[She assumes that this man is serious about what he says... because who could be joking at a time like this? She wishes it were a joke. She wishes she could be comforted by what he says, the offer of being watched over, but-]
You don't understand...
[And to his credit, how could he, when she can only manage short, broken pleas and gasped out half-explanations? She knows it's true, but with so much effort bound up in just holding back, just trying to stay herself...
If she hadn't forgotten how to cry years ago, perhaps there would be tears on her cheeks. Instead, there is only every sign but tears. Shaking shoulders, bitten lip, furrowed brow, shaky grip.]
I won't be- I won't feel it at all...
[Fear served no purpose for a Contractor. Adrenaline did, fight or flight response did, but fear itself was only an emotional burden that damaged one's chance of survival. And if Hell's Gate, if her messier code reclaimed her... that's all she would care about. Her survival, no matter how many others had to die for it, no matter who used her to maintain it.
Gathering up a last bit of effort... she pleads again, struggling to tighten her hold on his hand when her face is ashen, the black sludge swelling up beneath the blood-red crystal at the base of her throat.]
Please... I want to die while I can still feel scared...
[And feel happy. Maybe her life had been a tragic one, both before and after the destruction of Heaven's Gate, but she... at least as a Regressor she had been so happy just being able to feel human.]
no subject
You don't understand...
[And to his credit, how could he, when she can only manage short, broken pleas and gasped out half-explanations? She knows it's true, but with so much effort bound up in just holding back, just trying to stay herself...
If she hadn't forgotten how to cry years ago, perhaps there would be tears on her cheeks. Instead, there is only every sign but tears. Shaking shoulders, bitten lip, furrowed brow, shaky grip.]
I won't be- I won't feel it at all...
[Fear served no purpose for a Contractor. Adrenaline did, fight or flight response did, but fear itself was only an emotional burden that damaged one's chance of survival. And if Hell's Gate, if her messier code reclaimed her... that's all she would care about. Her survival, no matter how many others had to die for it, no matter who used her to maintain it.
Gathering up a last bit of effort... she pleads again, struggling to tighten her hold on his hand when her face is ashen, the black sludge swelling up beneath the blood-red crystal at the base of her throat.]
Please... I want to die while I can still feel scared...
[And feel happy. Maybe her life had been a tragic one, both before and after the destruction of Heaven's Gate, but she... at least as a Regressor she had been so happy just being able to feel human.]