Something prickles at Spock. He is not quite as stoic as he might be expected to be, especially not at the current moment, but the idea of being too emotionally compromised to serve? He's removed himself from service once, but that hadn't been due to his emotions. Quite the contrary. It had been the logical thing to do given the facts he'd had to work with at the time.
The truth is that he cannot imagine a time since he joined Starfleet when he'd been more emotionally compromised than he had been after saying goodbye to his sister. The only thing that could hit him like that now--
The naked pain dawns on his face as the thought forms and he clings to it, tries desperately to remind himself that it isn't him or that it hasn't happened yet.
"My mother."
The idea of losing her is unbearable. The grief of thinking about it feels like something he could drown in. Yes, he would be emotionally compromised by it. Even thinking about the loss leaves him shaking and he cannot say where the darkness of this place ends and his own thoughts of grief begin right now.
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The truth is that he cannot imagine a time since he joined Starfleet when he'd been more emotionally compromised than he had been after saying goodbye to his sister. The only thing that could hit him like that now--
The naked pain dawns on his face as the thought forms and he clings to it, tries desperately to remind himself that it isn't him or that it hasn't happened yet.
"My mother."
The idea of losing her is unbearable. The grief of thinking about it feels like something he could drown in. Yes, he would be emotionally compromised by it. Even thinking about the loss leaves him shaking and he cannot say where the darkness of this place ends and his own thoughts of grief begin right now.
"What happened?"