( there's plenty that yuuta feels he needs to be sorry for, so many things that maybe he could have averted if only he was there. if he had been there in shibuya that day, maybe gojou wouldn't have been sealed — maybe maki and toge wouldn't have gotten severely injured, maybe they wouldn't have incurred so many losses of both full-fledged sorcerers and his fellow students. it just feels to him like he had left japan with miguel, and upon returning home, everything had fallen apart — despite their best efforts, the greater metropolitan tokyo area had been evacuated and deserted, now a territory for increasingly powerful cursed spirits. the perfect setting for kenjaku's culling game: his idealization of a new world he sought to create.
worrying about it seems even more inconsequential now, given that they now have a much greater worry of everything being brought to an unceremonious end. but the fact that he has toge here, and he seems to be as hale and whole as when he'd left... it's at the very least enough to keep him afloat.
he wants to disagree, but instead he forces himself to bite his lip again, muting the impulse, and then to nod. it's not like he wants to doubt or criticize the efforts his friends and allies had made in his absence. he's certain they all fought as hard as they could, putting their health and their lives on the line. it's just self-absorbed of him to think that he could've tipped the scales himself, isn't it?
yeah. that's what he has to tell himself.
an unexpected bubble of laughter sneaks in-between his inelegant sniffling and uneven breathing. ) It's really weird hearing your voice like this, but - in a good way. ( a beat, then somewhat rushed: ) Not that I mind playing onigiri charades with you, but it's nice to just be able to... hear you. ( his grasp on his friend tightens infinitesimally. ) After everything that's happened, it's a welcome relief.
( it's a swerve in the topic of conversation he hadn't anticipated, but...
he knows he's not talking about the cursed apparition, the entity that he still affectionately calls "rika" even though the bird had long since departed that cage. he can't summon her any more than toge can use his cursed speech, which means — )
I - I don't know. ( she had already passed on... he kind of feels like that makes her immune to all of this? though, god, if her soul was in jeopardy just like all of their friends and comrades that had been left behind in the lurch... it makes his stomach sink. ) When I was in that bright, dreamy place, sometimes I saw her and heard her, but... I think they were more like - memories, more than anything.
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worrying about it seems even more inconsequential now, given that they now have a much greater worry of everything being brought to an unceremonious end. but the fact that he has toge here, and he seems to be as hale and whole as when he'd left... it's at the very least enough to keep him afloat.
he wants to disagree, but instead he forces himself to bite his lip again, muting the impulse, and then to nod. it's not like he wants to doubt or criticize the efforts his friends and allies had made in his absence. he's certain they all fought as hard as they could, putting their health and their lives on the line. it's just self-absorbed of him to think that he could've tipped the scales himself, isn't it?
yeah. that's what he has to tell himself.
an unexpected bubble of laughter sneaks in-between his inelegant sniffling and uneven breathing. ) It's really weird hearing your voice like this, but - in a good way. ( a beat, then somewhat rushed: ) Not that I mind playing onigiri charades with you, but it's nice to just be able to... hear you. ( his grasp on his friend tightens infinitesimally. ) After everything that's happened, it's a welcome relief.
( it's a swerve in the topic of conversation he hadn't anticipated, but...
he knows he's not talking about the cursed apparition, the entity that he still affectionately calls "rika" even though the bird had long since departed that cage. he can't summon her any more than toge can use his cursed speech, which means — )
I - I don't know. ( she had already passed on... he kind of feels like that makes her immune to all of this? though, god, if her soul was in jeopardy just like all of their friends and comrades that had been left behind in the lurch... it makes his stomach sink. ) When I was in that bright, dreamy place, sometimes I saw her and heard her, but... I think they were more like - memories, more than anything.