[ Howl is limp and motionless as Estinien takes the vial and backs away again. The fight in him has completely burnt out, but he couldn't lash out at him again even if he wanted to. And he has no reason to shrink away — that ambient wariness tells him that Estinien truly means him no further harm.
Perhaps that's why it stings so sharply when Howl feels the revulsion that accompanies the offer. He can feel how earnest it is, how honestly this olive branch is being extended, how deep Estinien's despair had been back in the cavern. It was not an unfamiliar despair. Just the opposite, and unsettling in how quickly Howl could relate. But by virtue of the offer itself, Howl knows that Estinien cannot presently understand where Howl's soul and mind is. And how could he? There's reason for him to hope. Howl has nothing. He will never be going home. He will never see Markl again, never sit by the fire with Calcifer again. He will never have the chance to apologize to Sophie... never again see her wrinkled face cooking in the hearth, or the delicate peacefulness of her youth as she sleeps under the stairs... Never, the chance to ask her if she meant what she said that night. And even if the stars took mercy on him and gave him that chance — what for? All so Calcifer's curse can kill him before his next birthday, assuming the war does not?
The spark of vague anger quickly fizzles out into the perpetual, enduring despair that has lived in Howl's chest since the sludge was forced down his throat, but Estinien's words and the memories they dredged up have brought it back in all its incredible power. Maybe it's the Kenoma clinging tight to his soul, refusing to let go, but maybe Howl is clinging back just as tightly. There is simply no reason in his mind to fight it. The unbearable hopelessness radiates out of him, meeting Estinien's emotion with equal strength. ]
Leave...
[ The muffled voice from behind the curtain of feathers covering Howl's head is quiet and haggard. The bleeding pile of feathers wobbles and contracts, as if Howl is desperately and unwisely trying to get up after all, but he's far too weak and slow to pose any plausible threat. The tension in his body collapses as suddenly as it had risen. ]
no subject
Perhaps that's why it stings so sharply when Howl feels the revulsion that accompanies the offer. He can feel how earnest it is, how honestly this olive branch is being extended, how deep Estinien's despair had been back in the cavern. It was not an unfamiliar despair. Just the opposite, and unsettling in how quickly Howl could relate. But by virtue of the offer itself, Howl knows that Estinien cannot presently understand where Howl's soul and mind is. And how could he? There's reason for him to hope. Howl has nothing. He will never be going home. He will never see Markl again, never sit by the fire with Calcifer again. He will never have the chance to apologize to Sophie... never again see her wrinkled face cooking in the hearth, or the delicate peacefulness of her youth as she sleeps under the stairs... Never, the chance to ask her if she meant what she said that night. And even if the stars took mercy on him and gave him that chance — what for? All so Calcifer's curse can kill him before his next birthday, assuming the war does not?
The spark of vague anger quickly fizzles out into the perpetual, enduring despair that has lived in Howl's chest since the sludge was forced down his throat, but Estinien's words and the memories they dredged up have brought it back in all its incredible power. Maybe it's the Kenoma clinging tight to his soul, refusing to let go, but maybe Howl is clinging back just as tightly. There is simply no reason in his mind to fight it. The unbearable hopelessness radiates out of him, meeting Estinien's emotion with equal strength. ]
Leave...
[ The muffled voice from behind the curtain of feathers covering Howl's head is quiet and haggard. The bleeding pile of feathers wobbles and contracts, as if Howl is desperately and unwisely trying to get up after all, but he's far too weak and slow to pose any plausible threat. The tension in his body collapses as suddenly as it had risen. ]
Leave me...